Another request for advice......

[duhast]

Family dirty laundry again...feel free to skip it if you wish.:o






















Gotta ask for some advice again....

Same dirty laundry issue as before...Mom's passing and sisters lack of response.

Here are the verbatem email exchanges immediately before and after Mom's passing:


Me, 1-29-07, 6:57pm: "Mom is very very close to death."


Sis, 1-30-07, 5:21am: "Called last week, she was sleeping. They said that she has been slowly going
down hill. Was down early Sunday, but she was sleeping, didn't have the heart
to wake her.
Wasn't abel to get away last night, will see if can make it tonight. "


Me, 1-30-07, 10:53pm: "Gone. 10:30pm. "



There has been no further communication from her since 1-30-07 @ 5:21am. The caregiver said that she may have called as she stated, no name was given, but I cannot confirm the alleged visit on Sunday.



So, here's the current question, similar to the one a week ago...

Do I even tell her about the funeral? I have asked two people so far and both have said no, she has made it perfectly clear that she is not interested. I again am leaning in that direction.

Again, please, some of that Doof feedback/wisdom.

[Fireberry]

I am not a very smart person as people can tell by my bad grammer, but it comes to me that it is not about your sister. No, it is about you. What I mean is how will you feel about it in a year? 5 years?

You have done enough, now think about how you will feel not how she will feel. If you don't call her.

Again, you are in Gail's and my prayers.

[Boop]

What do you think your mom would have wanted? Maybe let that guide you.

[8-Ball]

You ABSOLUTELY invite her to the funeral. What she does from there is entirely on her and you can release the matter from your heart.

[twinV]

My 2 cents,

I think the write thing to do would be to tell her. If you don't you might feel bad about it later, she's still a part of your family be it good or bad, she is blood. If you don't she would probably have a resentment towards you the rest of her life. I just think that you would have no regrets later in life if you did. Hopefully every thing turns out.


Prayers with you.

[Baalz]

You ABSOLUTELY invite her to the funeral. What she does from there is entirely on her and you can release the matter from your heart.

Take this advice..
If you dont 10 years from now you might regret something you can never change.

[route66paul]

You don't want to give her any ammunition for later. Let her know. if you have to, send it signature required US mail. She then has no bitch on how anything is done. Send her any will that may be there, send her a list of any items that she might want, don't lock her out. It sounds like she has problems of her own, you don't want to take the blame, so don't give her any reason.
She could be embarassed to show up. If there is a drug or alcohol problem, she won't want any of you to talk about it. She could be 400 lbs or something that she is afraid to show her face. She could use some help.

[duhast]

The ammo for later is a good point.

She's not 4 bills, no D or A that I know of, she was always a straight arrow. The thing is this has gone on for 25 years, and mom told me she and her husband did the same thing to his parents (mom was friends with the parents). Mom was disappointed but fatalistic about sis's distance...wishes it wasn't so, but what can you do?

[Baalz]

This makes me ashamed of the way I am but its hard for me to change.
My father has dementia and I rarely if ever see him. He lives only 13 miles away.
Problem is my stepmother who I hate with a passion. She has and is doing everything she can to make everyone as miserable as her. And growing up with that shit I had enough. It pains me but I love my father and he knows it. When he gets put in a home for a couple weeks a year I visit. But at his house I dont go. For one my Stepmother takes care of him poorly and the things I see break my heart. Its not bad enough to warrent abuse. Its just her fat lazy ass.

Then again we were never close not a lot of love in that home. That left when my mother died.

[rk custom]

duhast
Sorry about your mom.
You have to make an effort to tell her. That's the bottom line.
Like some of the post above mine said. This is about you not her.
Let her know and then what ever happens after that is on her.
Prayers from CA.
Greg

[BigAlsRK]

You ABSOLUTELY invite her to the funeral. What she does from there is entirely on her and you can release the matter from your heart.
I agree.....lift the burden from your shoulders.....prayers to you from TX.

[route66paul]

Sounds like she is in a cult, or at least an anal sect. These groups will do anything to keep from your unholy family.



Good Luck. My brother maried into one. I hear from him once a year, Christmas.

[Scabbydoo]

You ABSOLUTELY invite her to the funeral. What she does from there is entirely on her and you can release the matter from your heart.

Mike is spot on. It is the right thing.




As for any of the other related issues, you know who to call if you have questions.

[duhast]

Yeah, I'm gonna tell her via registered mail. I talked to Legal about it, and from legal POV, it's just more cover-your-ass in case things go bad later.