Random Thoughts on Relationships

[Big Cheese]

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!


The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.


I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.


My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.


I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.


After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “**** it, soldier on!”


I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.


Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.


The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"


My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"


A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.”
“That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”


A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.


I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

[Jackwagon]

[stoney]

[why_me]

[ms_tapestry]

Hmmm...


Communication from the elemental world...

[Slick]

'bout rayht

[y2kflhr]

Breakfast till 11:30!!!!


Sent from my phone

[IRONMAN]

[NotDonna]

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life. They figured, what the heck, why not go to college to get ahead? They hopped in a pickup and drove to the nearest college. After wandering around for a while, the two rednecks finally found a bunch of offices and some official-looking folks. While the second guy waited out in the hall, the first went into an office and found a professor who advised him to take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" asked the first redneck. The professor replied, "Let me give you an example: Do you own a weedeater?"?”I sure do," grinned the redneck. "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor. ”That's real good," the redneck responded in awe. The professor continued: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house." Impressed, the redneck shouted "Amazin'!" "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"Betty Mae! This is incredible!" (The redneck was starting to catch on.) "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," says the professor. "You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I cain't wait to take this here logic class." The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was waiting patiently.?"So what classes are ya takin'?" the friend asked. "Math, history, and logic," replies the first redneck. "What in tarnation is logic?" asked his new friend. "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" "No," his friend replied. "You're queer, ain't ya?


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[DaSkip]

[Fe Butte]

Now I need a weedeater?

[NotDonna]

Originally Posted by Fe Butte

Now I need a weedeater?

Ya don't sound so sure of that.........js


giggle


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