How the Grinch Stole Sturgis

[LittleBear]

For all you Sturgis bound types, I like to post this for a good laugh.

How the Grinch Stole Sturgis
(author unknown)

Every tramp in Scooterville loved Sturgis a lot,
But the Grinch who lived just north of Scooterville...
Did not!!

And so every August for 50 years,
Amid a great thunder and crunching of gears,
The tramps rode the Black Hills, those pagans and trolls!
Like salmon returning again to their shoals.
And the Grinch would turn bitter as coffee turned cold,
and could not be approached and would not be consoled.

The Grinch hated Sturgis! The whole Sturgis deal!
And if you ask why that's the way he would feel,
Well, it could be his attitude wasn't just right,
Or could it be his truss bound his buttocks too tight!

But I find that the likeliest reason of all,
May have been that his balls were two sizes too small!
But whatever the reason - his truss or his balls -
The Grinch hated Sturgis, just hated it all...

Just flat hated those tramps with their swagger and airs,
And hard miles of pavement that showed in their stares.
Of storms in the mountains and wind on the plains,
Or wrenching on roadsides in pouring down rains.

He hated those chicks with their pectorals bare,
And their T-back bikini's and tattoos like Cher!
He'd seen all their pictures at home in his chair,
He'd read Easyriders and wanted his share!!
Yes, the very word "Sturgis" would send Grinch on a tear,
But what irked him the worst was he couldn't be there!!

The Grinch cried to the sky, "Am I really to blame?"
Can I help being frightened by rides in the rain?
And he moaned and he whined, "Must I shoulder the shame"
And he grumbled and scoured his cowardly brain,
Until inspired, at last to him it came.....
I COULD TRAILER THE BIKE THERE, WHY, IT'S ALMOST THE SAME!!

And thusly encouraged, he returned to his town,
And called to the trailer trash, "Gather ye round!!!"
"For I've had Epiphany! Brothers take note,
You can trailer a bike like you trailer a boat!!!"

"We'll park out on the outskirts , offload the machines
And pretend that we rode in from, say, New Orleans!!!"
So the trash loaded trailers and cried what a hoot,
"We'll dress up like bikers with leather and boots...
Festoon them with conchos and feathers and such!
Oh what do you think, Is this eye patch too much?"

And they dialed up the A/C, and punched in the cruise,
Voila! Now to Sturgis - without the abuse!
The abuse that 2 wheels are rumored to give.
NO! We live to trailer and trailer to live!!

The trash swarmed to Black Hills, their purpose well focused
To drown the small town like a plague of Caged locusts!!
To balloon the run's turn out to five hundred grand!
Til the few real bikers had nowhere to stand,
And the Grinch grinned and giggled to see what he'd done-
Now Interstate 90 looked like Hwy 101!!!

Now those tramps out of Scooterville were not so dim witted, They saw
who was there and they saw who there fitted!!

So one said to the Grinch, "Who are you fooling jack?
Your jeans reek of Downy, your scoot's too imac!!
You're spoiling our party with your trailer posers!
What's the name of your outfit? Satan's chauffeurs?"

But the Grinch grumbled back, "Now it's OUR party too!
We invited ourselves just like did you!
Just show me the sign that says only some bum,
Who rides motorcycles is welcome to come,
And we'll load up our trailers and start our RVs,
And head for Laconia, or Daytona Beach!!"

Now the tramp out of Scooterville was taken aback
No such sign existed, had ever, in fact,
Such things were unspoken; all part of the lore.
No such sign had ever been needed before!!!

The tramps had to concede and withdraw from the field...
The Grinch and his ilk were unwilling to yield,
And flooded down main street of Sturgis by night...
And by day lined the highways in lines out of sight..
The tramps knew the end of their era was nigh,
And a breeze blew among them, a general sigh.
The tramp's spirits were trampled, and a mist filled their eyes.
Till suddenly some yelled "Wait, here comes Clive!"

And the cycle lord moseyed thru the bikers downcast,
And boomed "Cheer up brothers, we've not seen the last,
Of our noble degenerate lifestyle pass!"

Then Malcom E. Clive popped open a cold can of beer,
He stared at the Grinch with a leer and a sneer,
He shook his head slowly and hacked his throat clear!!
Then preached brother Malcom "That’s not why we're here!"
"It's not for the pins or the patches or beer!
It's not for babes with tits out to here -
Okay, maybe the babes, and the beer."

"Sturgis ain't something you buy in a store,
Or pull on a trailer, no, it's something much more."

"See, the Sturgis we love doesn't happen in town!
Isn't drag pipes and paint jobs, or pulling tops down!
The Sturgis we love is always around...
It's the sunset you saw from a scoot broken down,
It's the story you tell of the hail in Cheyenne,
The dust storm in Julesburg, the chill in Montan."

"The town merely serves as a place we all go.
To tell our stories to people who know ......
To tell those road tales of deluge and drought.
To crazies who know what YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!"

And yes there are trailers, and more every year,
And guys who just ride under skies crystal clear,
And pull into town in a jeep Wagoner.
And the sign may say "STURGIS"......

BUT THEY'VE NEVER BEEN HERE!!!!


Hope you enjoyed reading that, I always do.

[Kfengler]

I love it...

[Highmiles]

Wow, that anon guy read my mind.

Highmiles

[Rock]

I loved it. The whole thing! Especially this part had me rolling!
"The abuse that 2 wheels are rumored to give.
NO! We live to trailer and trailer to live!!"

ok , maybe the babes and the beer

[rk custom]

that was great.

[Berserker]

Great. I liked how it said the real experience is in the ride out there, in the break downs, in the storms.

Had a storm hit me on 90, moved my bike over twice. Never had that before or since. No where to pull over, was bracing for impact.

But the point, is not the storms out there, its the experences along the way. Those are the stories you tell people. Those are the things you remember. How hot/cold, wind, storms, break down, ect, those are the stories that come out when talking to guys.

I used to never go on vacation. Figured why spend that money, it was gone in a week. Now, all I want to do is travel the country. Possesions turn to junk in a few years. All you got left is the memories.

makes that rain in yellowstone seem not so bad............... can i at least sleep in a motel???

[knuckleheader-]

Who can take the two weeks needed. Travel to sturgis, hang. Then

head back to civilization. You need the trailer to make time.

[Berserker]

I have alwys done it in less then a week.

[TJ Willy]

I had given up on going to Sturgis till I read that. Makes me want to go!

Good post.

[Berserker]

Everyone should go once during the rally, just to expereince it. I enjoy seeing all the bikes, trikes, ect.

[ridingjerry]

Good reading.
I had never seen it.

[nvsteve]

RIDING from Reno, August 1st.

[Big MAK]

I'll be there. Don't care if I have to ride out on a Friday night and back again on Sunday.

Of-course.. only about 600 miles from here.