|
|||||||
Random Crap I'm just sayin'. |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
||||
|
||||
Some insights/observations in to getting older...
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you. " Cost me 6 stitches...but, When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?” I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....." When you’re over seventy..............who cares? *********** I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.” I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.” Cost me a fat lip, but... When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********* I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you’re over seventy...............who cares?
__________________
Tom "Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter."...Satchel Paige "Mother Nature may dictate I grow older but there ain't nothin' nor nobody can make me grow up." ..Me |
#2
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
Bob "Turd Herder" Sh!t doesn't stink unless ya' poke it! Deut 23:12-13 (How to sh!t in the woods) |
#3
|
||||
|
||||
Good Ones !!
__________________
Master of Contemplation |
#4
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
Stoney ALL WHO WANDER ARE NOT LOST. GFFG
|
#5
|
||||
|
||||
Nice.
__________________
Kimber |
#6
|
||||
|
||||
Carry some butterfly bandages and some alcohol in the kit.
__________________
Hi I'm Tom. Darned if I can remember anyone else's name. MDCGA The Road Goes On Forever... To Ride is Life... In search of the Doof 43. . . . ....... . . Colorado Motel Wreckers 2012 ... Midnight Riders of The Beartooth 2013... |
#7
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
April 13, 2016 -- The day Richard was speechless. May your hands always be busy, May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation When the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful, and may your song always be sung, May you stay forever young! --Bob Dylan |
#8
|
||||
|
||||
"nearly fell in"
Good one
__________________
I'm not saying it was your fault. I said I'm blaming you. Ricky it's only metal, we can out think it..... Simplicate, never Complify http://www.FraZzledEgGs.com Rhetorical Questions.... Who Needs 'em? ... Famous Tripod
|
#9
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
Mike Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting '..holy sh*t ....what a ride!' - George Carlin |
#10
|
||||
|
||||
Great stuff Tom, I needed a good laugh today : )
__________________
|
#11
|
||||
|
||||
those were jokes?
__________________
“We are all capable of believing things which we know to be untrue, and then, when we are finally proved wrong, impudently twisting the facts so as to show that we were right. Intellectually, it is possible to carry on this process for an indefinite time: the only check on it is that sooner or later a false belief bumps up against solid reality, usually on a battlefield.” —George Orwell, 1946 "The race may not always be to the swift nor the victory to the strong, but that's how you bet." - or - that's how the smart money bets...attributed to Damon Runyon |
#12
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
. Mark |
|
|