Strange days indeed. (Warning-Long Post) - Page 3

RoadWolf · #31 07-18-2013, 12:35 AM

If it hasn't left your mind after all this time, it probably won't until you resolve it one way or another.

There's no doubt on my part that you'll handle it decently and tactfully.
I wish you a satisfying outcome...

y2kflhr · #32 07-18-2013, 06:05 AM

where can I order a drinking monkey?

MrSurly · #33 07-18-2013, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dippsy

where can I order a drinking monkey?

Call Giggles, she has a loaner.

Uesque · #34 07-18-2013, 08:41 AM

Let me preface this by saying that it's coming from a parent of two adopted children whose biological parents gave them up and who struggles constantly with how to explain that to the kids without them feeling unwanted or inferior.

I'm going to throw out the suggestion that the biological mother's reaction is one that highlights an incredible amount of guilt over her actions and a lack of emotional maturity to effectively deal with that guilt. Not knowing the circumstances when those actions took place I can't say for sure but it sure seems like that on the surface.

In our case it was crushing poverty that landed the kids in the orphanage. A trip to see it a few years back really helped as the kids saw that their birth mothers put them in a really nice place where they had a better chance at success.

Go with your heart, slowly and carefully, and know that we're here and we care.

Dinero · #35 07-18-2013, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uesque

Go with your heart, slowly and carefully, and know that we're here and we care.

I forgot to add that very important piece of information.

Sometimes I forget that we have to remind each other of this salient fact. We do sometimes take each other for granted. Somebody kick me once in awhile when I do.

Bone Stockman · #36 07-18-2013, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dippsy

where can I order a drinking monkey?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSurly

Call Giggles, she has a loaner.

Yeah, but then you have to disinfect your bathtub.

y2kflhr · #37 07-18-2013, 08:36 PM

And again

Ancient Iron · #38 06-24-2016, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ancient Iron

Ok, asking for opinions here so I’ll give a brief, but still too long, outline of the issue.

I was adopted at birth. My adoptee parents would never tell me anything about my bio mother. So, out of curiosity, after I turned 18 I got the sealed documents opened, (Kansas allows this) and got her name, age, name she had put in for father, and number of previous births she had had. (which was 2). No SS# listed back then. Ok, couldn’t do much as that was long before the internet and so much info being available. Kind of forgot about it and went on with life.

Around 10 years ago, right before she passed, my mother finally told me what she knew about the birth mother. She knew she was from the Springfield, MO. area, and she also knew she had come back to Wichita a couple years after having me and had a set of twin boys and put them up for adoption and left. I did some checking and the attorney that had handled all this was long passed away and no one knew anything about his records. The hospital had burned also. Dead end again.

Just recently I delved back into it and started getting lucky. I found a lady on FB in the Springfield area that I thought might be related to her and took a shot and contacted her and it turned out she was her SIL. This lady and her daughter have been very helpful and have given me tons of info. Turns out I have 3 sisters and a brother (same mother, probably not fathers) not counting the twins that were adopted out. The SIL contacted my birth mother and told her I had popped up. I guess she threw quite a fit for a 73 yr. old, and told them in no way would she speak to me nor did she want anything to do with me. Ok, all I wanted from her was some info on the twin boys anyway. I have reason to believe we have the same father.

Instead they put me in contact with the oldest girl (4 yrs. older than me). She and I talked on the phone for a couple hours and she was very emotional and seemed very happy that I had found them. She suspected for years that I existed but her mom wouldn’t talk about it. Seems mom had her and the next girl (the 2 previous births on my BC) then their mom and dad split up. She put the girls in an orphanage in KC and disappeared for about 3 or 4 years. (in that time she has me and the twin boys) Then, she pops back up, tells them she is back together with their dad and takes them home with her. They have another boy and girl and live happily ever after.

So the oldest girl gets off the phone with me and calls her mom. She wants to tell the other kids and give them my name and number. Mom has a bigger fit and threatens to excommunicate her if she does. She tells her to tell me that the family just wants to be left alone. She says it will devastate “the children” if they find out. I point out that the children are in their 40’s and 50’s and it should be up to them if they want to know me or not. I’m told sorry, not gonna happen, and please go away.

So what would you do? Forget about it? Or contact the kids and let them decide if they want to know me, and the whole story? I don’t believe she is worried about upsetting the kids, I believe she is worried about how they will look at her. I don’t want to upset the lady so badly it affects her health though. I’ve been mulling it over for a month now and haven’t decided which way to go yet.

Decided to offer an update as many things have changed since the original post. I drove on with contacting the other kids with some good results. My oldest sister and my younger brother and I have a pretty good relationship going. I went down to California a couple years ago and spent the weekend with the younger brother. We got along great. He surprised me with a lunch with bio-mom. Her and I ended up having a long talk and she explained she had promised my adopted parents she would never butt back in to my life. This was the reason she gave for not wanting any contact. OK. The brother had explained to her they had passed so then she felt she had kept her promise and we visit pretty regularly nowadays.

So, there are seven of us kids and everybody knows about everyone then. Except those twins. The younger brother and I pressured bio-mom for info on them and she stonewalled us saying she made their adoptive parents the same promise. She did however tell us they were not two boys but a girl and boy. As luck would have it, the girl tracked down and contacted our oldest sister in April, so they have surfaced also. After visiting with the newly surfaced sister, we realized we spent most of our lives 20 miles from each other and didn't know it.

We are headed to Wichita tomorrow to irritate daughters and spoil grandkids for a couple weeks. The big Sis gave me another surprise. She organized a get together in Wichita and they are all flying and driving in. Including bio-mom and possibly bio-dad. It should be a good thing and I am pretty happy that we will get the chance to meet everyone and get some pic's.

So, a fairly improbable, fairly happy ending should occur. I never thought I would get there.